Ponderings: October, the month to remember.

This month, we as a human race unite and remember our babies that we never held, never met, or who didn't stay long enough. It doesn't matter what religion or ethnicity you are from; the phenomenon of miscarriage and child loss plays no favorites. As a family, we try to always remember our Alexander and Theophana without need for an occasion, but now is the time when we share our stories of grief with others in the effort to know we are not alone, to break the stigma of silence, and to give hope to others.

I have a friend who has had SEVERAL miscarriages, and many failed adoption attempts. It has been many years of sorrow for her and her husband. Just a month ago, she gave birth to her beautiful and perfect son. Oh the tears that flowed from seeing the joy and knowing in her eyes. She knows what it's like to feel the bitter loss, which makes the joy so much sweeter. There is so much benefit from being able to know loss! I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I tell you, true understanding of what someone is going through is hard to gain unless you've been through it. It's a gift.

So, that being said, we take a moment to remember the little ones who were dearly wanted but are not with us. We love you, you are a part of us, and we will always remember you.

Ponderings: On being 5 months pregnant.

I awoke this morning at the usual time and grabbed my phone out of habit as I waited for my husband's alarm to go off. First stop, FaceBook. Almost immediately, I came across a satirical article entitled, "The Two-Step Trick to Getting an Amazing Post-Baby Body." The author (whom I spent many minutes getting well acquainted with afterwards) wrote against the absurd notion that brand-spanking new mothers should reject their figures and do anything in their power to get back their bikini bods. I enjoyed her anecdotes and her real nature, partly because for many of us, the body issues don't begin post-birth. Pregnancy has had its arrays of issues for me already, and I'm only half-way through. 

First off, my body doesn't produce the proper amount of progesterone to sustain a healthy pregnancy for both mom and baby. So naturally, I have to supplement. The result? Less anxiety than I've ever had in my life. That's a win. What's next? The hives. I started developing hives all over my body that felt like a million fire ants were biting me everywhere at the same time. The solution - Zyrtec once daily. Takes the itching away, but if I don't take it, the ants come back with a vengeance. Finally - Pityriasis Rosea. This non-contagious virus has been the most fun for me. While it does come with it's itchiness, the Zyrtec seems to manage that. The icing on the cake is the barrage of red rashes that cover my chest, stomach, neck, and (this one's new) arms. SEXY. AAAAAAAND there's nothing I can do to make it go away sooner; it must run its course. I'm two months in now, hopefully only one more to go. My newly engaged girlfriend told me sarcastically that I'm the poster woman for pregnancy. SORRY BOUT IT.

I tell you about these things not to complain, but simply because they do not matter - not at all. My belly is getting bigger, my baby boy is developing perfectly, I have a wonderful husband, and I'm content. I know that there's still another 4-5 months to come, but I couldn't be happier. I'm 30, I have been through the loss of two babies due to miscarriage, and my body is going through a lot, but BY GOLLY, it is a badass. It is fighting the good fight, it is expanding and changing, and it knows just what to do and when to do it. I'm amazed by women everywhere who have done this many times... I can't help but marvel at how creation takes place, and how we get to be a part of it. I'm lucky. I'm blessed. I can't wait to meet my son.